Well that's three weeks done and it's now finally the week before Christmas. Before I moved down here I was using Christmas as a big milestone and that by making it to Christmas without changing my mind/losing my mind/getting too upset would be a big achievement. Well, I've managed it...
The last two weeks have actually been pretty fun. It's almost been a bittersweet thing moving away from home and starting a new job at this time of year.
It's good because on the work side of things every thing is pretty social and everyone is in a cheery mood, the office is decorated in cheap tinsel and long lunches and early finishes are not frowned upon. I had my first Channel 4 Christmas party which I actually managed to survive without getting too drunk or doing anything embarrassing or stupid...which I am usually well known for. And there was actually in escalator in the middle of the club which had my name written all over it, but I managed to get up ad down it like a normal human being. It was at a pretty cool club in Camden, and we had the entire place to ourselves. There was lots of laughing and dancing and merriment, along with free cocktails and festive finger food. And I enjoyed myself...my team are pretty easy to get on with and they all include me and seem to have taken a genuine interest in getting to know me. So apart from the odd occasion when I stood around like a spare part, I had a really good time and fully got involved. I even escaped a hangover! I've also been out on a team Christmas lunch...and when I say lunch I mean starting at 12.30pm and just not stopping until the last person is standing! I made it to 8pm and I had to call it a day. But I got to know my team better, and we did the whole Secret Santa thing and the usual tradition office party things. Lotsa fun! So, as I was saying...this time of year has been a good time to start as it's given me an easier platform to fit in at work.
Then there is the flip side...the bitter side to this bittersweet situation. I am not at home for the build up to Christmas. Most people who know me know how much I love Christmas, how I love my traditions - the putting up of my tree, the putting up of my mum's tree, the Christmas markets and late night Christmas shopping with my mum, the carol services, just everything! And this year, for me, would have been even more magical because it would have been my first build up to Christmas with Chris. But, I sacrificed that to come down here and start my new life. I just sometimes wish it hadn't been at Christmas. But I have found that I take comfort in a lot of things. Each Christmas light and decoration I see around London makes me smile, I love seeing carol singers and brass bands everywhere (and there seems to be a lot more down here than up north), the fact that another girl and I went OTT at work and decorated our part of the office like a grotto, and how beautiful the view is I have of West Hampstead in the snow. All of these things help ease not being at home during this season.
Fortunately, during my visit back to Manchester last week I did get to take part in helping decorating Chris's Christmas tree. Throughout the process I kept saying how happy I was to Chris and his flatmate Karl, but even after we had finished I don't think either of them knew what it had meant to me. Granted it wasn't my tree, but it was the first tree Chris and I got to decorate together...and seen as I didn't think I would have a tree at all this year, it really did mean a lot.
So after finishing my shopping on a very, very snowy Oxford Street today (and also surprisingly quiet) I am firmly ready to go home this week to spend Christmas with my nearest and dearest.
My trip home to Manchester was really good. I think I was happy the entire time, but then my entire time was pretty much spent with Chris. From Christmas shopping in Wilmslow, to having a cosy lunch in Alderley Edge, to tree decorating, and having drinks with friends it was just perfect! And it made me realise that my situation is not so desperate. Aside from the constant ache of missing Chris, I'm actually doing better with this whole move thing than I thought I would be. I was worried that when I got home I would have this overwhelming worry about getting on my train and having to come back to London, but I didn't. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy...it's just easier than I thought it would be. Being with Chris...I can't even start to write about it. We didn't even necessarily do anything overly special, just each second I was happy. When we would be lying together or just holding hands on the sofa I was beside myself. So now, looking forward to the 12 days I'll be home this Christmas (cue the song) you can imagine how excited I am to get on that train at 4pm on Thursday. I wanted so much to share this build up with him, that my excitement for Christmas day and the days following it is now all just stored up and I can not wait!!
But I am doing ok down here. I like it. I like the people. And I don't just mean my friends down here, or the people I work with...I mean the amount of people that I see. I love seeing a glimpse of hundreds of peoples lives everyday. I always try and work out where they are going or where they have been or who they could be. I think that's why I actually really like the tube...for 20 minutes in the morning you become part of so many people's day. And there are so many different people...even if you just look in one tube carriage. Race, creed, colour, ethnicity, gay, straight, punk, goth, beautiful people, crazy people...every type of person is presented to you on a daily basis and I love it. Seeing strangers smile as they go along on the tube or mouthing the words to a song as they walk down the street with their iPod on...it almost makes me feel less lonely. Especially at this time of year, it just makes you realise how big the world is...the rushing around of every person and family, doing the shopping, dragging the tree down the street, posting cards, or drunkenly singing along to Wizard as they stubble out of the pub with a Father Christmas hat on...everyone from different walks of life, having their own fun, making their own traditions and all for the same purpose. Christmas.
So as I sit here, watching Santa Claus: The Movie, sipping sherry and counting down to my own Christmas starting when I get home, I wish everyone, every person reading this, every person I know, and all the 1000s that I don't know who I pass everyday, a very Merry Christmas, and goodwill to all. To all.
To you...it's almost Christmas! I know the last few weeks haven't been easy, but when I get home I promise to make it up to you, and make our first Christmas a very special one. Christmas in London is beautiful...I know Christmas most places is but seeing it here for the first time is pretty cool. I wish you where here to see it all with me, but I am counting the minutes until Thursday. Merry Christmas baby x
Saturday, 18 December 2010
Sunday, 5 December 2010
First week, done!
I survived my first week! To say it's been weird would be the hugest understatement and even sat here now it's harder to start writing about what it has been like than I though it would be. This is mainly down to the fact that it still doesn't seem real. My life doesn't seem real. I feel like I'm visiting London for a few weeks, that I'm on work experience at Channel 4, and soon things will go back to normal. But they won't...that feeling, I'm guessing, will pass with time.
So here is how my first week has been...after the drama of finally arriving here (after dragging two heavy suitcases, falling down some stairs, and getting on the wrong tube) I was not so happy I can tell you. Once I finally set my cases down and took a look around, I cried and wanted to get back on my train. I put that down to tiredness and that it had been an emotional day of goodbyes and tears. It would have been very easy to let it consume me, in fact it would be easy to let it consume me everyday so far but somehow I've managed to not let it. So on my first night, after I watched X Factor and sunk a bottle of red wine, I cried myself to sleep and tried to forget about it. All very dramatic I know! But Sunday was a new day! I woke up to a crisp, cold and sunny London and took myself on a little stroll around West Hampstead! It did me so much good and the memories of the night before soon passed. This being followed by meeting up with Rachel and little Milo and her family from the States, my mood was totally lifted. We went for drinks in Covent Garden, followed by dinner in the weirdest Indian restaurant in Soho...we ended up in there due to the cold, it was bizarre! But it provided the platform for some good laughs and decent food. It was just what I needed!
Then there was Monday...the first day at my big school! Weirdly I wasn't overly nervous, in fact I felt pretty calm about my first day and managed not to do or say anything too embarrassing, which really is some kind of miracle. London transport presented me with a gift on my first day however...an f-ing tube strike!! How nice of them!! Fortunately it didn't affect me too much apart from the fact that due to complete paranoia and worry, I set off pretty early and then got to where I needed to be about 45 minutes early! Oops! But I solved that with coffee and breakfast and gave myself a chance to pull myself together! Aside from the tube strike panic on that morning, I actually enjoy travelling to work...the tubes don't bother me and the stations themselves fascinate me! Everything is so big! On my first day when I got off at Westminster station to change tubes, the size of the place astounded me! It's so big! Everything is so big here! It's like real life...just 10 times bigger! The buildings, the shops, the tube stations, the streets...everything is big! And I am such a geek when I walk around...I literally have been stopping in the street when I see big and exciting things! Everyone must look at me like I'm crazy! I'm like a tourist, but I'm one who actually lives and works here. It reminds me of when I was travelling around Europe! I find myself talking to myself, and laughing to myself when I get lost or when I get over excited about things! You should have seen me the first time I actually came out of Westminster station and saw Big Ben! You'd think I'd never been let of the house before, let alone actually seen Big Ben before! I've seen it a dozen times...this time it was just different! So you can imagine what I was like as the journey contiued and I saw the Westminster Abbey...I think it's just getting used to these places being on my door step. So on my way to work I see some pretty cool stuff...
And yes I actually stopped en route to take pictures! I couldn't help myself! I know the Methodist Central Hall is a bit of a weird one, but when I first saw it I was taken back by the size of it and now when I see it each morning it reminds me of my family! Plus, I have a pretty great soundtrack to my travels! Chris made me two playlists before I came away which I have taken great comfort in, and they have helped me along my way each day.
But work is good! First weeks are always weird aren't they...you're almost like a spare part because the whole company doesn't stop just because you've started. The office itself is pretty amazing! It's very cool...and I am in love with the staff restaurant! I've had some pretty nice lunches this week, and all for a very reasonable price! It's a good perk! But yeah, the office and company itself is great! My team seem really cool...there are about 20 of us in total and everyone has their own personality and seems pretty different, but everyone gets on! I even went out on two social events with a few people from my team this week! Both of which were pretty awkward, but being the new boy I wanted to make an effort and so I drank the free wine and ate the free canapes at both occasions! It's still very early days at the moment, and I still need to suss people out there...but as for my first week, I could be working with worse people :) To sum the company up so far - everyone seems nice, everyone is busy, and most people say the f word, alot. Plus, this is just a really geeky thing, but there is a girl on my team who reminds me of Joni Mitchell! She has got such a look of her, and when I look up from my desk and see her I take a little comfort in it! But my highlight of my working week was when my first post arrived. It was a 'special delivery' and it really was special. I was going to either buy myself an Advent calendar or accept the fact that this would be my first year where I would probably go without one (I am still a big kid), but then my gorgeous Lindt calendar arrived, sent with a note of love from Chris. It was the perfect gift...even if it did make me cry a little at my desk!
Out of work, aside from the work drinks thing, I've been ok. It'd be a lie to say that I'm not lonely. I am lonely. But I've been ok, a lot better than I thought I would be in my first week. The weekend was weird because I got to see friends from back home and so Friday night hanging out with Craig was pretty much just a normal experience. I was so grateful for it though. What I needed at the end of my first week was to be surrounded by people and things that I know, and that is what I got. I also got to experience my first flatshare viewing...which was good, but holy shit is accomodation expensive down here and you don't get a lot for your money! The room I saw on Saturday was in a great location, and the bedroom was good but the kitchen and bathroom were standard, there wasn't really a living room and the nice guy who showed me around informed me that whilst him and the other guy that lived there get on, they are not very social with each other. So that would be me sat in my room, not hanging out with my flatmates, with a dated kitchen and bathroom all for a lovely £750 a month. So we'll see about that one! I've got a few more viewings this week so hopefully the right thing will come along. If I'm staying down here and I want to be happy then I want a home, not a room!
Saturday afternoon I got to hang out, again, with Rachel and little Milo. And really since the little guy came along it was the first time that I got some quality time with him, and Rachel for that matter. We walked in the snowy park for hours, had dinner and just chatted and laughed. It was so nice...I'd say my best day down here so far. There are only a few certain people in my life who I feel at total ease with...Chris, my family, and then the Sharps are definately some of the rest. I adore Milo so much, I definately feel a very strong sense of love for this little guy! And you would think, to see her, that Rachel had been a mother all of her life and that Milo was meant for her and Conrad. It's beautiful to see...
The journey home, however, was a bit of a bitch! Due to weather conditions the overground train had been cancelled, then the buses were late, then I didn't know where I was going...so yeah it took about an hour and half to get home, which wasn't the best but I have realised that I can't let all things like this get to me. I have to take them head on or I'll crack.
So all in all, not such a bad first week. I have sad moments, I have exited moments. I have times of knowing I've made the right decision to come down here, and I have moments of feeling stomach wrenching sick, crying and wanting to go home. It's too soon to tell I guess, which of these are my true feelings. But I am ok and I am enjoying myself, it's just tainted with sadness. But I'm going to give this London thing my best...I want to really try it and get the most out of it that I can. It is only my first week...
To you...I can't begin to tell you how much I wish you were here! How I want you to be seeing everything that I am seeing and doing things together. I almost have to block my feelings of missing you out of my mind, because if I let them in it would consume me. I want to be experiencing all of these new things with you and sharing my stories with you when I come home every night. I hope it won't be long until we are doing that.
So here is how my first week has been...after the drama of finally arriving here (after dragging two heavy suitcases, falling down some stairs, and getting on the wrong tube) I was not so happy I can tell you. Once I finally set my cases down and took a look around, I cried and wanted to get back on my train. I put that down to tiredness and that it had been an emotional day of goodbyes and tears. It would have been very easy to let it consume me, in fact it would be easy to let it consume me everyday so far but somehow I've managed to not let it. So on my first night, after I watched X Factor and sunk a bottle of red wine, I cried myself to sleep and tried to forget about it. All very dramatic I know! But Sunday was a new day! I woke up to a crisp, cold and sunny London and took myself on a little stroll around West Hampstead! It did me so much good and the memories of the night before soon passed. This being followed by meeting up with Rachel and little Milo and her family from the States, my mood was totally lifted. We went for drinks in Covent Garden, followed by dinner in the weirdest Indian restaurant in Soho...we ended up in there due to the cold, it was bizarre! But it provided the platform for some good laughs and decent food. It was just what I needed!
Then there was Monday...the first day at my big school! Weirdly I wasn't overly nervous, in fact I felt pretty calm about my first day and managed not to do or say anything too embarrassing, which really is some kind of miracle. London transport presented me with a gift on my first day however...an f-ing tube strike!! How nice of them!! Fortunately it didn't affect me too much apart from the fact that due to complete paranoia and worry, I set off pretty early and then got to where I needed to be about 45 minutes early! Oops! But I solved that with coffee and breakfast and gave myself a chance to pull myself together! Aside from the tube strike panic on that morning, I actually enjoy travelling to work...the tubes don't bother me and the stations themselves fascinate me! Everything is so big! On my first day when I got off at Westminster station to change tubes, the size of the place astounded me! It's so big! Everything is so big here! It's like real life...just 10 times bigger! The buildings, the shops, the tube stations, the streets...everything is big! And I am such a geek when I walk around...I literally have been stopping in the street when I see big and exciting things! Everyone must look at me like I'm crazy! I'm like a tourist, but I'm one who actually lives and works here. It reminds me of when I was travelling around Europe! I find myself talking to myself, and laughing to myself when I get lost or when I get over excited about things! You should have seen me the first time I actually came out of Westminster station and saw Big Ben! You'd think I'd never been let of the house before, let alone actually seen Big Ben before! I've seen it a dozen times...this time it was just different! So you can imagine what I was like as the journey contiued and I saw the Westminster Abbey...I think it's just getting used to these places being on my door step. So on my way to work I see some pretty cool stuff...
And yes I actually stopped en route to take pictures! I couldn't help myself! I know the Methodist Central Hall is a bit of a weird one, but when I first saw it I was taken back by the size of it and now when I see it each morning it reminds me of my family! Plus, I have a pretty great soundtrack to my travels! Chris made me two playlists before I came away which I have taken great comfort in, and they have helped me along my way each day.
But work is good! First weeks are always weird aren't they...you're almost like a spare part because the whole company doesn't stop just because you've started. The office itself is pretty amazing! It's very cool...and I am in love with the staff restaurant! I've had some pretty nice lunches this week, and all for a very reasonable price! It's a good perk! But yeah, the office and company itself is great! My team seem really cool...there are about 20 of us in total and everyone has their own personality and seems pretty different, but everyone gets on! I even went out on two social events with a few people from my team this week! Both of which were pretty awkward, but being the new boy I wanted to make an effort and so I drank the free wine and ate the free canapes at both occasions! It's still very early days at the moment, and I still need to suss people out there...but as for my first week, I could be working with worse people :) To sum the company up so far - everyone seems nice, everyone is busy, and most people say the f word, alot. Plus, this is just a really geeky thing, but there is a girl on my team who reminds me of Joni Mitchell! She has got such a look of her, and when I look up from my desk and see her I take a little comfort in it! But my highlight of my working week was when my first post arrived. It was a 'special delivery' and it really was special. I was going to either buy myself an Advent calendar or accept the fact that this would be my first year where I would probably go without one (I am still a big kid), but then my gorgeous Lindt calendar arrived, sent with a note of love from Chris. It was the perfect gift...even if it did make me cry a little at my desk!
Out of work, aside from the work drinks thing, I've been ok. It'd be a lie to say that I'm not lonely. I am lonely. But I've been ok, a lot better than I thought I would be in my first week. The weekend was weird because I got to see friends from back home and so Friday night hanging out with Craig was pretty much just a normal experience. I was so grateful for it though. What I needed at the end of my first week was to be surrounded by people and things that I know, and that is what I got. I also got to experience my first flatshare viewing...which was good, but holy shit is accomodation expensive down here and you don't get a lot for your money! The room I saw on Saturday was in a great location, and the bedroom was good but the kitchen and bathroom were standard, there wasn't really a living room and the nice guy who showed me around informed me that whilst him and the other guy that lived there get on, they are not very social with each other. So that would be me sat in my room, not hanging out with my flatmates, with a dated kitchen and bathroom all for a lovely £750 a month. So we'll see about that one! I've got a few more viewings this week so hopefully the right thing will come along. If I'm staying down here and I want to be happy then I want a home, not a room!
Saturday afternoon I got to hang out, again, with Rachel and little Milo. And really since the little guy came along it was the first time that I got some quality time with him, and Rachel for that matter. We walked in the snowy park for hours, had dinner and just chatted and laughed. It was so nice...I'd say my best day down here so far. There are only a few certain people in my life who I feel at total ease with...Chris, my family, and then the Sharps are definately some of the rest. I adore Milo so much, I definately feel a very strong sense of love for this little guy! And you would think, to see her, that Rachel had been a mother all of her life and that Milo was meant for her and Conrad. It's beautiful to see...
The journey home, however, was a bit of a bitch! Due to weather conditions the overground train had been cancelled, then the buses were late, then I didn't know where I was going...so yeah it took about an hour and half to get home, which wasn't the best but I have realised that I can't let all things like this get to me. I have to take them head on or I'll crack.
So all in all, not such a bad first week. I have sad moments, I have exited moments. I have times of knowing I've made the right decision to come down here, and I have moments of feeling stomach wrenching sick, crying and wanting to go home. It's too soon to tell I guess, which of these are my true feelings. But I am ok and I am enjoying myself, it's just tainted with sadness. But I'm going to give this London thing my best...I want to really try it and get the most out of it that I can. It is only my first week...
To you...I can't begin to tell you how much I wish you were here! How I want you to be seeing everything that I am seeing and doing things together. I almost have to block my feelings of missing you out of my mind, because if I let them in it would consume me. I want to be experiencing all of these new things with you and sharing my stories with you when I come home every night. I hope it won't be long until we are doing that.
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