Evolving

I know...it's been over a month since I last blogged, but there a few reasons for this. Firstly as much as I said it in my last blog, I wasn't fully out of my wallowing period. As much as I banged on about how I was going to stop harping on about missing my Manchester life and the decision I had made I wasn't fully ready to settle with my decision. Then half way through the month I had a visit back home for Chris's birthday and our anniversary which, much like Christmas, was amazing but in terms of how I felt about being here it took me back a few steps. So I didn't want to blog about it...my feelings had to be dealt with and dealt with them I have. Secondly, along with my parents coming to visit, moving house, the previously mentioned trip home and also a weekend in Bournemouth I haven't really had the time to say much other than "I'm tired"! And lastly, I just wanted time to settle. I wanted time to be here normally, in my new home, going to my new job and just doing normal day to day stuff. I needed to give myself chance to find out what it's really like. So that is what I have done.

Chris has been to stay a couple of times, once for just a quick overnight visit and then for a longer weekend. This has helped me settle massively. At first I was just going home a lot and having to keep leaving him behind every time I came back and it was killing me. My life with him was up in Manchester and I had to keep leaving that behind. But now he's been here, he's stayed in my house and in my bed, he's met my house mate, he's met the people at work and we've explored my new world together. Now part of our lives together is down here, it makes it so much easier for me.

I've also had visits from my parents, and a couple of close friends which again really concreted my life here. This is where I live. This is where I live and my life will carry on here, just in a different way. But it's still my amazing life.

So, so far in this London life these are the things that I'm liking...

• Brixton. Man alive Brixton is crazy busy. It's in your face, it's under your feet, it's in your ears, it's wafting up your nose...and I love it. It's so multicultural and so alive you can't help but want to become part of it. I love the markets at the weekend, there is so much going on, so many people, so many languages. And the food they sell...things I have never seen in real life before, different types of meat and fish and even vegetables. I know it sounds trivial, but it's like being in a different country. I like it, a lot.
• Work. I know everyone is supposed to like their job, but that's not really what I mean. Channel 4 is pretty cool, it's a pretty cool place to work and don't get me wrong I know I'm not saving lives or working for world peace, but I get a little bit of a buzz being part of that place. Everyone on my team is so passionate about what they do, it makes me really want to get involved. I guess it makes me sit up and pay attention. My team are all really nice, all really different, cool people. Every week we have a departmental meeting, and some weeks I just sit and look around at them all. All those people, in that room, aiming for one thing, to strive to do what we do, the very best we can do it. Like I said, it's not ground breaking but it's possibly the most passionate I have felt about a job.
• Exploring. It's hard not to find something, or some place or somewhere new everyday. I love Manchester, I really, really love it. Living there almost all of my entire life I know it like the back of my hand. It's comfortable, and happy and safe to me. But it's the total opposite here. Everything is new, everything is unfamiliar. I get lost on a daily basis and I like it. I pretty much take a wrong turn or end up walking the long route round somewhere every day, but it's all part of exploring. I've found some pretty cool places from my lack of direction and I like constantly seeing new things in this city.
• Running. I've started running (thanks to you Rach) and so far I'm really enjoying it. I'm still pretty new to it and I've started mainly because I don't want to pay the gym prices but I've found it actually has more to offer than the gym. I guess it follows on from the exploration thing, because I'm getting to see different parts of where I live. And so many people run down here! Seriously, you pass so many other runners and most, which I like, share a smile.
• Reading on the tube. I know you can read anywhere, and I do read other places, but I get some kind of weird enjoyment from reading on the tube. I think it's because in a city where it is soooo busy, and peak time on the tubes is when the city is usually at it's craziest, I am just me. I am just me in my own little bubble in the world of my book and whilst I'm there and I'm part of the 1000s of lives and things going around me, for those 10 minutes in the morning and in the evening I'm somewhere else at the same time.
• Being anyone and doing anything. This point is selfish, I need to say that before I go any further. Being here and spending large chunks of time by myself, I pretty much only have myself to look after and think about. That may sound wrong, but it's not how I mean it. Chris and my family and friends are never off my mind, and caring for them and wanting the best for them is all I want. When I am with Chris my instincts take over that I want to do nothing but protect him and shelter him and care for him. But it's strange being here and only having to worry about myself. At first I couldn't get used to it but now I quite like being anyone I want to be and doing anything that I want.
• The Sharps. I know I have probably mentioned them in every blog I have written so far, but it really means a lot to me being close to them. We met when our adult lives were just beginning and since then we've not had huge amounts of time together. It's always been long weekend visits, or a few hours for drinks or dinner, or that weird time I came and lived here for 6 weeks (good times) but aside from that we've never got to do the normal week in week out growing up and going through life together. Now, it takes about 15 minutes or so for me to get to their house. Since I've been here we've seen each other about once a week and I love it. They've made being here so much easier for me, and probably helped me out more than they realise. It's nice having our lives so closely intertwined, and it's indescribable being able to get to know Milo.

This is just the start of my list. My life here is started to form and take shape and it no longer worries me. It excites me. Chris will be visiting more and more, and things for him may change also in the future and our lives down here will start to grow. I've realised now that being down here isn't something to worry or panic about or get upset over...it's actually really exciting. I'm excited.

To you...I loved having you come and visit. I want to stop calling them visits when you come because you're not visiting my life, you are fully integrated in to it. I can't wait to carry on exploring with you and living out London together. I am excited about life here, but you make this London thing a whole lot more exciting.